Whole lot of shaking going on...

Two hours sleep - it's just not long enough with RSD. Lack of sleep makes the pain levels soar into the stratosphere. But, that's what I got last night because hubby was delirious and struggling for breath. The pneumonia had worsened...... :(

I managed to get to sleep at about 5.00 am and was woken at 7.00 am by hubby falling out of bed. I screamed because of the sudden noise before I comprehended what it was, then got him back into bed. We both catnapped for a while and I felt a bit better for that.

But as the day wore on I made an Executive Decision - like it or not, he was going to see his GP as an emergency appointment. How to get him there at very short notice? I had to drive.

I hadn't sat behind the wheel of a car for SEVEN YEARS. But, to my amazement, I did it - I got him to the surgery, about six miles away. The trouble is, the pain it caused in my legs was horrific. They were both shaking and I could barely walk even with my two sticks. I was trying so hard to stay strong and focussed that I didn't know that hubby had almost collapsed behind me but as soon as I was aware of it I calmed him down, got him to lean against the wall for support and put myself in front of him to stop him falling forward. The nurse fetched a wheelchair.

He had to get to the hospital, no question about it. The hospital is 20 miles away, in the other direction. There was so way I could make that journey, not even as a passenger. I was finished.

A wonderfully kind volunteer driver said he would take hubby to hospital. He and the GP took one look at me and realised I wasn't going to be able to drive myself back home. So, he brought me back in his car, meaning that my car is still six miles away - but I'll worry about that tomorrow. At least it gave me the chance to pack a bag with pyjamas, toothbrush, razor, book etc. so that the OH would be a little more comfortable. I also packed a special cute cuddly elephant which I know will make him smile when he discovers it because it will make him feel that I'm closer.

I feel so upset that I wasn't able to go to the hospital with him, even though it so clearly wasn't possible. It was far better for me to try and recuperate ready for whatever tomorrow will bring (Tesco, for a start).

I'm hurting so much tonight with worry, exhaustion and pain. I miss him, I'm frightened and I feel very alone and helpless. I hate this RSD & Fibromyalgia more than ever before - it's keeping me from being with my beloved when he needs me most, and I find that so hard to cope with. I should have been there to hold his hand, talk to the doctors, all of that stuff. And instead, I was at home with both legs shaking so much I couldn't walk, sobbing with pain and feeling like I'd let him down big time.

I once read a T-shirt slogan that said: "I try to take life one day at a time.... but sometimes several days hit me all at once." Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

But, after all, tomorrow is another day. (Haven't I heard that somewhere before?!! :P)

I'm praying - that's all I can do. Please God, take care of him.....

It never rains but it....

.....chucks it down in stair-rods. My other half is seriously ill with pneumonia. What was thought to be a chest infection is actually rather more than that. The gi-normous antibiotics he has to take are completely knocking the stuffing out of him, which in a way is a good thing, because it means he has to sit still and rest. He's not normally a patient patient....... but he does understand the importance of doing as he's told this time because if I'm to be able to look after him he has to co-operate and allow himself to be looked after. So far, I must admit, he's being very, very good, which is a surprise to both of us!!!

So, today there was the excitement of doing the grocery shopping online. That's normally his domain and so it was a major event for me! I think I've got everything we need for the coming week. Living in a little village has its drawbacks, especially if you can't even get to the village shop.... but I'm pretty confident. I can't do much in the kitchen so it had to be easy meal choices, but they'll be tasty dishes to set before the king. Thanks, Tesco.com.

But BOY did I overdo it today. When you first get diagnosed with RSD, or any chronic pain condition for that matter, you are told to "pace yourself". Now, that's absolutely marvellous in theory but unfortunately real life has to bloody well intervene and spoil it!!!! ;) I always remember a caption I saw on a T-shirt once: " I try to take life one day at a time....but sometimes several days hit me all at once". Yeah, that's it exactly. So, I stood in the kitchen for too long and first my lower right leg started shaking uncontrollably, then both ankles started to throb and swell. I had to go and rest, there wasn't any other option - but I could have done with a bit more rest than I had.

Never mind! We've got through the day more or less unscathed, and for that I am deeply thankful. Not looking forward to taking my boots and socks off though......

It's at times like this when the limits that RSD inflicts on your everyday life really start to become pronounced. But I'm amazed at what I've achieved today, even if I'll pay the price for it tomorrow.

That's not a happy notion to close this on, so here's something much lovelier. No, make that two things.

First of all, I was due to go and see Derek Acorah last Saturday. I'd been looking forward to it for weeks. But of course, with hubby's illness we couldn't go. To say I was disaappointed would be one of the biggest understatements of all time.

'How is that lovelier?' you may ask. Well, my lovely friend Sinead (hi hunni if you're reading this!! ;) x) went to see Derek the night before, and she knew that my chance to see him was in jeopardy. So - bless her - she very thoughtfully asked him to sign a poster for me in case I couldn't make it. And the poster arrived this morning!!!!! It's given me such a lift, I'll treasure it forever. That is, most definitely, as the great man himself would say, lovely :) xx

The second thing happened just before I started writing this. Harper was outdoors and I couldn't work out was going on. Two shining orbs kept appearing and disappearing - not the paranormal kind, you understand, but the cat's eyes in the dark kind. But he wouldn't come towards me, it was as if he'd been rooted to the spot. Aha! I guessed what I'd find.....I went out into the garden to see him and got the "yeah, it's great to see you and all that but you're really cramping my style" greeting. He was sitting by our fake tree stump birdbath with his back to the house, so his head must have been turning like an owl's earlier on!! At the base of the tree stump were little scratchmarks on the earth, suggesting that a tiny rodent may have found its home underneath.

Oh, he'll be there for hours. The mouse might die of boredom but it won't die because of anything Harper actually DOES. I've seen him in that situation with the mouse actually running out AND CLIMBING ALL OVER HIM!!!! :D And he's let out a pitiful little mew that translates as "Help! There's a mouse climbing all over me!!"

So, I don't know what time I'll be going to bed. I want to let my other half get a good bit of shut-eye in before I risk disturbing him. It's 2.15 am and I still haven't taken my sleeping pill..... hardly seems worth it really, does it?!!! :)