Whole lot of shaking going on...

Two hours sleep - it's just not long enough with RSD. Lack of sleep makes the pain levels soar into the stratosphere. But, that's what I got last night because hubby was delirious and struggling for breath. The pneumonia had worsened...... :(

I managed to get to sleep at about 5.00 am and was woken at 7.00 am by hubby falling out of bed. I screamed because of the sudden noise before I comprehended what it was, then got him back into bed. We both catnapped for a while and I felt a bit better for that.

But as the day wore on I made an Executive Decision - like it or not, he was going to see his GP as an emergency appointment. How to get him there at very short notice? I had to drive.

I hadn't sat behind the wheel of a car for SEVEN YEARS. But, to my amazement, I did it - I got him to the surgery, about six miles away. The trouble is, the pain it caused in my legs was horrific. They were both shaking and I could barely walk even with my two sticks. I was trying so hard to stay strong and focussed that I didn't know that hubby had almost collapsed behind me but as soon as I was aware of it I calmed him down, got him to lean against the wall for support and put myself in front of him to stop him falling forward. The nurse fetched a wheelchair.

He had to get to the hospital, no question about it. The hospital is 20 miles away, in the other direction. There was so way I could make that journey, not even as a passenger. I was finished.

A wonderfully kind volunteer driver said he would take hubby to hospital. He and the GP took one look at me and realised I wasn't going to be able to drive myself back home. So, he brought me back in his car, meaning that my car is still six miles away - but I'll worry about that tomorrow. At least it gave me the chance to pack a bag with pyjamas, toothbrush, razor, book etc. so that the OH would be a little more comfortable. I also packed a special cute cuddly elephant which I know will make him smile when he discovers it because it will make him feel that I'm closer.

I feel so upset that I wasn't able to go to the hospital with him, even though it so clearly wasn't possible. It was far better for me to try and recuperate ready for whatever tomorrow will bring (Tesco, for a start).

I'm hurting so much tonight with worry, exhaustion and pain. I miss him, I'm frightened and I feel very alone and helpless. I hate this RSD & Fibromyalgia more than ever before - it's keeping me from being with my beloved when he needs me most, and I find that so hard to cope with. I should have been there to hold his hand, talk to the doctors, all of that stuff. And instead, I was at home with both legs shaking so much I couldn't walk, sobbing with pain and feeling like I'd let him down big time.

I once read a T-shirt slogan that said: "I try to take life one day at a time.... but sometimes several days hit me all at once." Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

But, after all, tomorrow is another day. (Haven't I heard that somewhere before?!! :P)

I'm praying - that's all I can do. Please God, take care of him.....